im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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