I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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