Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
