dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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