All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just pee around me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
