I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
