It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
