thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
