I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
