also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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