Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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