Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
