fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This girl is more easily done than said...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
