i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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