i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
