I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
