Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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