I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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