If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
