this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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