You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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