I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
