I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He felt like a one man threesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
