dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
