We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
