So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
