Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
