Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
