I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
