I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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