oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
