Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
