I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
