During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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