Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
