I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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