WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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