I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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