Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
