Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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