i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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