Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
