The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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