so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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