Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
