Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
