Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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