I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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