Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
