She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
